Letting Go. . .

     When I was very young I use to believe stuffed animals had emotions. It was pretty traumatic for me to give up any of my toys. I would spend what felt like a lifetime going through them all and deciding which ones to give up. I was given two large trash bags to fill one day a few weeks before Christmas. I tried to debate with my parents on the necessity of “getting rid of them”.  I was repeatedly told they were going to a better place. How could there be a better place than my playroom?

    I rode with my Mom to Goodwill; convinced that I could persuade her to see my side of the argument and I would be able to keep all my old toys and still get all the new toys I was about to collect for one of my birthday parties and Christmas. When we arrived at the Goodwill I was not pleased. Mom informed me that she had been getting rid of my toys for years… and I barely ever noticed. I was paying attention now and this bit of information did not help her cause. I did not offer to help unload any of the plastic trash bags. I sat there hoping for some type of miracle.

       My Mom was unloading the garbage bags from the vehicle with my sister Bridget, when I car pulled up. A woman and two little kids got out of the car. The lady came over and talked privately to my Mom. After a few minutes my Mom started bringing the bags over to their car and the kids started going through the toys. The little boy grabbed one of the teddy bears that had been particularly hard for me to give up and started hugging it and smiling. My Mom explained on the car ride home that the lady had told her that she did not have enough money for presents this year so they were going by and seeing if anyone had left any donations. Bridget and I agreed that they would have probably stolen the toys or whatever was in the bins since it was after hours. My Mom started crying because of her compassion for the lady, I cried because I was sad and happy, and Bridget cried…. because…… I’m not certain…. She just did. Letting go of material things was not such a struggle after that night.

Checkmate . . .

My dad has said to me a few times “Ashley, I’ll give you a paddle, whatever you need, but I’m hesitant to do it when I see you using it to paddle as fast as you can over Niagara Falls.”

    This normally was in reference to me using my time poorly. One of those ways was “helping” user “friends”. It took me a while to recognize these people, because I always want to give someone the benefit of the doubt. Though over time their motives are not so easily hidden. In the broad picture they may be great. They come from a great family; they can be funny and charming, engaging and intelligent. Then the vortex opens and they try to make you solely responsible for all their problems. This person who seemed to have it all together and was functioning fine before you met them now needs you to devote all your time to their issues that… never… end.  They also try to keep you down and build you up in a manipulative ploy to keep you insecure and backhandedly appreciated. Sometimes bad things happen and we feel slightly insecure and we need our friends.

     This person wants you to be their audience for all the drama that constantly surrounds them. They have no real emotions concerning you besides what you have, and the time you can give them to inflate their fragile ego.

“It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.”

George Washington

     Their negativity slowly overcomes you like a dark cloud. The problem that arises is that no matter what you say to them they have to WANT to see the light or make the most out of their lives. This is not something you can do for them and once you are gone they will launch on to a new “friend”.

"Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity." 
- Kahil Gibran

   The only way I’ve found of letting this type of person go is letting them know that you are a priority to yourself. You have things to do and accomplish and every spare moment of your day is not automatically devoted to them. If this person is a real friend then they will understand; if they are not… then they will look for the next doormat and you are far better off. I firmly believe that we are greatly influenced by the people we surround ourselves with and if we let people in that are encouraging, supportive, and real it helps us grow into a better person.

"The happiest moments my heart knows are those in which it is pouring forth its affections to a few esteemed characters." 
- Thomas Jefferson

"Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being." 
-Goethe