Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Letting Go. . .



     When I was very young I use to believe stuffed animals had emotions. It was pretty traumatic for me to give up any of my toys. I would spend what felt like a lifetime going through them all and deciding which ones to give up. I was given two large trash bags to fill one day a few weeks before Christmas. I tried to debate with my parents on the necessity of “getting rid of them”.  I was repeatedly told they were going to a better place. How could there be a better place than my playroom?

    I rode with my Mom to Goodwill; convinced that I could persuade her to see my side of the argument and I would be able to keep all my old toys and still get all the new toys I was about to collect for one of my birthday parties and Christmas. When we arrived at the Goodwill I was not pleased. Mom informed me that she had been getting rid of my toys for years… and I barely ever noticed. I was paying attention now and this bit of information did not help her cause. I did not offer to help unload any of the plastic trash bags. I sat there hoping for some type of miracle.

       My Mom was unloading the garbage bags from the vehicle with my sister Bridget, when I car pulled up. A woman and two little kids got out of the car. The lady came over and talked privately to my Mom. After a few minutes my Mom started bringing the bags over to their car and the kids started going through the toys. The little boy grabbed one of the teddy bears that had been particularly hard for me to give up and started hugging it and smiling. My Mom explained on the car ride home that the lady had told her that she did not have enough money for presents this year so they were going by and seeing if anyone had left any donations. Bridget and I agreed that they would have probably stolen the toys or whatever was in the bins since it was after hours. My Mom started crying because of her compassion for the lady, I cried because I was sad and happy, and Bridget cried…. because…… I’m not certain…. She just did. Letting go of material things was not such a struggle after that night.


Checkmate . . .

My dad has said to me a few times “Ashley, I’ll give you a paddle, whatever you need, but I’m hesitant to do it when I see you using it to paddle as fast as you can over Niagara Falls.”

    This normally was in reference to me using my time poorly. One of those ways was “helping” user “friends”. It took me a while to recognize these people, because I always want to give someone the benefit of the doubt. Though over time their motives are not so easily hidden. In the broad picture they may be great. They come from a great family; they can be funny and charming, engaging and intelligent. Then the vortex opens and they try to make you solely responsible for all their problems. This person who seemed to have it all together and was functioning fine before you met them now needs you to devote all your time to their issues that… never… end.  They also try to keep you down and build you up in a manipulative ploy to keep you insecure and backhandedly appreciated. Sometimes bad things happen and we feel slightly insecure and we need our friends.
     This person wants you to be their audience for all the drama that constantly surrounds them. They have no real emotions concerning you besides what you have, and the time you can give them to inflate their fragile ego.

“It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.”

George Washington


     Their negativity slowly overcomes you like a dark cloud. The problem that arises is that no matter what you say to them they have to WANT to see the light or make the most out of their lives. This is not something you can do for them and once you are gone they will launch on to a new “friend”.

"Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity." 
- Kahil Gibran

   The only way I’ve found of letting this type of person go is letting them know that you are a priority to yourself. You have things to do and accomplish and every spare moment of your day is not automatically devoted to them. If this person is a real friend then they will understand; if they are not… then they will look for the next doormat and you are far better off. I firmly believe that we are greatly influenced by the people we surround ourselves with and if we let people in that are encouraging, supportive, and real it helps us grow into a better person.

"The happiest moments my heart knows are those in which it is pouring forth its affections to a few esteemed characters." 
- Thomas Jefferson

"Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being." 
-Goethe


Sunday, January 29, 2012

Strengths vs Weaknesses

    Two weeks ago I had an appointment with Human Resources about my growth within the company. I was asked to take a personality test and the Director of HR, Kevin, wanted me to also watch a DVD called "Trombone Player Wanted". He then met with me this week and we discussed my strengths and weaknesses.


    My test results indicated that my strengths are being creative, conscientious, adaptable, and I'm a leader. I'm in the middle between an extrovert and introvert.


I found the DVD lent to me quite thought provoking.  It broke down defining your strengths and weaknesses and how to hone your abilities in six steps. The main reason why I found it interesting was because normally we are told to spend the most time on developing our weaknesses to create a more well rounded individual. 


So, what's stopping you?


  The best thing you can do for yourself is to find your strengths and spend time growing in those areas. Where you could grow an inch in your weakness you could grow a mile in your strength.


Do you know what your strengths are?


   What are your strengths? Things that you feel a sense of empowerment after accomplishing them. Things that resonate  inside of you. Try to get very specific with it. You may be talented at organizing but if you feel drained after doing it. Organizing is then not one of your strengths. You are the only person who can answer this question. 


   I'm a focused person. I like to know the task at hand and use my creativity to make it my own and accomplish it in a specific time frame. I like to exceed what is asked of me but I can only do this when I know the boundaries and rules I must stay within. 


  How can you make the most of them?


    Here he talks about seeking advice from people that have similar strengths. Watching people and talking to them and learning new skills to further develop your growth. Marcus advised volunteering your strengths in group settings.


How do you cut out your weaknesses?


     Stop doing them and see if anybody notices. Talk to your boss and see if there is a way to work around doing what you hate and if doing the task is necessary. You could also find your nitch and just hone in on that skill and have a team that has strengths in the other fields.  Some of the best partnerships in business are when two people have opposite strengths and weaknesses. 


Why is it so hard to talk about?


    All teams fall into three categories, solo performance (where each individual comes up to bat; like a baseball team or a cricket team) the highly choreographed team (where they work together but everybody has a very preset role, and it works because everyone sticks to the role like an orchestra), then the highly improvised team (there are preset roles but everyone improvises to get the work done). Regardless of what team we are on we are going to have a lot of conversations of our strengths or what we can bring to the table. A team functions best when they know the strengths and weaknesses of their team. You can not turn a weakness into a strength. You can improve it but that's not where you are the most valuable.


Why can't this last forever?


    When you find that your daily activities are full your weaknesses then you need to talk to your boss and  see about how to veer you back on the path to your strengths. Dig into the activities that you love and share that information with your boss and your teamates.  You can control the time you feel at work. You have powerful strengths, no one has the same set of stengths as you do, and you will be your best when you can play to your strengths.


One of my favorite movie moments from Akeelah and The Bee...


http://youtu.be/oh6hNsf5J7k


The quotation... 


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." by Marianne Williamson. 


I also recommend the book that it was taken from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles.
   







Wednesday, January 25, 2012

What do you want?

       Patience has never been a strong suit of mine. I've gotten better with dealing with waiting through maturity. Often I find that I may not be at a stage in my life where I could handle the responsiblity of what I want at the present moment. Some desires may be fleeting but if it grows in time then it will happen at a more opportune place in my life. I do not believe that everything happens for a reason, but I do believe that there is something you can learn from every experience.

"Your life is the fruit of your own doing. You have no one to blame but yourself."
Joseph Campbell



"Man is made or unmade by himself. By the right choice he ascends. As a being of power, intelligence, and love, and the lord of his own thoughts, he holds the key to every situation."
 James Allen



      A year ago one of my dearest friends and I sat down in a resturant and talked about all the places we wanted to see and all the things that we wanted to do. We decided to make a bucket list for the next ten years. We both agreed that everything on the list was something that we really wanted to do or accomplish. It was a realistic list that could be done with proper planning and some initiative on both our parts. I believe we've already accomplished three of the things on the list. It's not really imperative that everything on the list gets checked off,  but it is important to know you are capable of making your goals a reality and to become an active participant in living.


"Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls."
Joseph Campbell


"To find yourself, think for yourself."
 Socrates 

     Sometimes I catch myself being sucked into the entertainment madhouse. You need to act and dress a certain way, buy certain things (that list never ends), and think.... wait nevermind they would rather do the thinking for you. It's meant to play into peoples' insecurities and offers acceptance of a life you never knew you needed or wanted. It's all smoke and mirrors... and does not offer any real substance or develops any character. 


"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
Oscar Wilde

    If you want to be in great shape, exercise and eat right. There is not a short-cut or magic pill to get you the real results you want other than sweat and perseverance. 


    If you want to be with an amazing person that enriches your life. . . become an incredible person that would be their equal. 


“The secret of attraction is to love yourself. Attractive people judge neither themselves nor others. They are open to gestures of love. They think about love, and express their love in every action. They know that love is not a mere sentiment, but the ultimate truth at the heart of the universe.”
Deepak Chopra


Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The Beginning. . .

I created a blog to help with my journey through life. I wanted a place where I could house collective wisdom and advice I've received over the years. It was also created so that if I ever have children it's a way for them to understand me in a way I wish I could have understood my parents and grandparents. If I ever lose sight of who I am; it will help me find my way back...


I come from a long line trailblazers who showed immense amount of character and determination. One story that particularly moves me is of my great grandfather who has a doctorate degree when moving to the United States and only found work sweeping the floor of a deli. He eventually bought that deli after a number of years. I find this relevant in 2012 because of the recession and so many people having to work jobs that are drastically beneath their previous occupation. It has taught me not to judge myself on my current job but by my determination and aspiration to move forward. Failure is always accomplishable but no reward is as great as trying, following through, and succeeding. . . it's the stuff dreams were made for. . .


"Success is the result of perfection, hard work, learning from failure, loyalty, and persistence."
General Colin Powell, my 5th grade write-in for President.





It's important to remember that you have a unique voice... just because others have struggled less or more does not unvalidate your life expereinces...


http://youtu.be/qM-gZintWDc


The link above is to one of my all time favorite movie scenes, The Park Scene, in Good Will Hunting. I don't believe in feeling pressure in knowing exactly what I want to be as long as I do everything to the best of my ability.